Struggle Bus Party of One

I've been struggling lately.

I've been struggling with not wanting to eat an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting, with not going through that drive-thru window instead of having to go home and cook, with getting in my workouts...with it all.

Sure, my eating hasn't been horrible and I haven't really gained any weight.....but I'm also not losing like I would like to. I've lost 15lbs in 3 months, which isn't bad at all. I just have to keep telling myself that slow & steady wins the race and while some drop a lot at the beginning of their journey, my weight loss journey is my weight loss journey and no one elses. They say "Comparison is the thief of joy" and they are right. Comparing your life to someone elses....in any way...will get you no where. While some may lose it fast and keep it off, most of them gain it back. That is not what I want. I am changing my lifestyle. I am in this for the long haul. And like my buddy Cassie said yesterday, I just have to keep reminding myself of where I can (AND WILL) be next year. I have to be able to see the big picture while enjoying each step of the journey.

Since starting Weight Watchers on Feb. 1st, I've lost 15lbs. I've noticed a huge difference in the way my clothes fit, in the way my hips and butt look, with how I feel, with how I feel about myself....I've had to go up on my FitBit band twice, my wedding ring continues to get more and more loose, and most importantly....I haven't quit. Not once have I given up and that has NEVER happened for me. I've always been gung ho about something for a few weeks and then went back to my old ways.

This time is different. This time I will succeed.

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Workout Goal

Saw this on FB and had to share. I'm not sure I could do it right now without dying.....but I want to give it a try!

4 minute Hip-Hop Cardio.
Posted by Brooke's Health, Wellness & Weight Loss on Wednesday, April 22, 2015
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Making Yourself Happy

After my workout and shower last night, I curled up in bed to watch a little tv and unwind. I hit my DVR button, turned on yesterday's recorded Steve Harvey Show, and I am so glad I did.

One of his guests was Bishop T.D. Jakes and he was there talking about his 5 Steps to Being Happy. Usually crap like that is a no-go for me. I will turn the tv faster than you can blink. BUT....not last night. Last night I was listening intently and even went back to record it with my phone so I could share some of it with you today. For some reason, the things he had to say really hit home for me.

The first step that really got me was CHALLENGE YOUR OWN STORY.He talked about how we tend to torment ourselves with how WE see our lives....how we narrate our own story with our version of the truth, when it's only a perspective truth. He talked about how we need to change the way we talk to ourselves about our lives and how we write the script to our life story and how we can easily CHANGE OUR STORY. -------- This is so completely true. Just as we make decisions we aren't proud of and let ourselves get to places we don't want to be....we can easily make the decision to change that.

The next step is something we hear all the time, but hardly every listen to.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION.  --He discussed how the majority of people say I'll be happy when I get to this place, or when I get married, or when I have kids, etc.... and how we need to learn to enjoy the process. Learn to enjoy each and every day and to celebrate all the little things along the way.--------- This is a huge thing for me. I constantly find myself scrolling through Instagram and wishing that I looked like this person or that person, when I should be enjoying the person I am today vs the person I was 2 1/2 months ago.

Another thing he mentioned was to PUT YOURSELF ON YOUR CALENDAR. Learn to enjoy yourself. Learn to see yourself as a valuable person because if you don't, no one else will.--------Amen to that! I have recently noticed that I am more content to be alone these days than I have ever been. I used to want to be with Mark and the kids constantly. I didn't want to be alone because when I was alone, I beat myself up. I didn't enjoy the person that I was because I felt like I didn't deserve the things that I have. I am learning now that I do deserve them. I am learning that I enjoy time to myself every now and then and I shouldn't feel bad about that. I need to date myself just as much as I need to date my husband.

He also talked about MAKING RELATIONSHIPS COUNT. Taking time to enjoy your relationship with yourself, your spouse, your kids, your family, and your friends.----The biggest thing there was he mentioned how you are a product of the relationships you surround yourself with and since it was immediately after our Skype session, I thought about all of my Team Slim girls. Had I not found them, I may not be where I am today. I may not be as positive about this weight loss journey. Knowing that I have them to hold me accountable and to be there when I need encouragement and advice, makes this a little easier. Sure, Mark is super supportive and does nothing but encourage me...but having people around you that are going through the same things you do on a day to day basis, is so helpful.

If you want to watch the entire segment, I'm adding it below.

ICYMI: My friend Bishop T.D. Jakes shared five tips that will allow anyone to find happiness!
Posted by Steve Harvey TV on Tuesday, April 21, 2015

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Roasted Ranch Potatoes

If there is one WW friendly recipe that will never leave my recipe rotation, it is without a doubt these Roasted Ranch Potatoes from LaaLoosh. It was the very first recipe I tried and much to my surprise, my entire family loves them. Even my SUPER picky husband. In fact, I have NEVER had leftovers because he always eats them all.

I've posted them a few times on my Instagram page and had a few people ask for the recipe, so I thought I would share.

Roasted Ranch Potatoes

5-7 Medium Sized Red Potatoes 
Your Choice of Oil (I used Coconut Oil last night and LOVED how they tasted)
1-2 Ranch Packets
Seasoned Salt
Garlic Powder

Wash and dice your potatoes then add them to a fairly large sized bowl. Coat in oil (olive oil or coconut oil preferably) and then add in 1-2 ranch packets depending on amount of potatoes used. (I eyeball it) Spread covered potatoes out on cookie sheet and sprinkle with garlic powder, seasoned salt, and pepper. Bake at 400 for 15-25 minutes to desired texture. 

I will also add that I followed the recipe the first few times, but from there have kind of played around with it, adding in new spices/seasonings.

Hope you enjoy!!

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A Real Eye Opener

The thing I love about Weight Watchers is the flexibility it gives you. There's no restrictions, no off-limit foods, and no worries over having to turndown something because you "can't have it".

Unfortunately, that is something that I have learned over the past week can be a burden if you don't watch yourself. While being able to "eat anything you want" is great, it doesn't mean you should all the time. Should you indulge when you feel the need? Sure. Should you go out with family/friends and have a good time when invited? Sure. But should you eat a doughnut for breakfast, a tub of ice cream for dinner, or drink an entire bottle of wine "because you can"? Of course not.

Simply Filling may not be for me, but it is definitely something I think everyone should do at least once. Not only have I lost weight, I have also gained so much perspective on how much "processed foods" we can consume on a daily basis. Will I ever give up my Special K Protein Bars, my Boom Chicka Pop, or my Skinny Cow candy bars? Who knows. But I know I will work a lot harder to focus on Power Foods vs foods that fit my daily points. A healthy balance between the two programs, while still technically counting points.

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I can do this. I WILL do this.

I'm going to be real honest with y'all. I almost quit Simply Filling last night.

I did so good throughout the day, but by dinner time I was hungry, I felt restricted, and I was hardcore craving something sweet. I was sitting in bed, I had had dinner, Mark was eating ice cream (thanks for the support babe, haha) and I was craving sugar like nobody's business (thanks Aunt Flo). All I could think about was the Reese Cup Eggs Reagan has in her bedroom, all of the Skinny Cow candy bars I have in my cabinet, and I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit so badly. But you know why I didn't?

Because of a great group of ladies I found a few weeks ago. I thought about how it would suck telling them that I had given up after less than 24 hours. I thought about how they would probably be disappointed that I didn't give it more time. I thought about how a few of them had taken the time out of their day yesterday (and now today) to see how it was going and to be there for me. I felt like I owed them and MYSELF more time. (PS-THANKS LADIES, It means a lot and has helped more than you know!)

Will it be something I stick with for a long time? Probably not. Is it something I'm willing to give a little more time? Absolutely.

I think the problem for me is what I've talked to the girls about before. I don't do well with restrictions. I do not like being told I can't have or do something. (Just ask my husband!) Couple that with the fact that I hardly ever eat my weekly points because I start to get a little panicky when the number starts dwindling, and you have a recipe for disaster. In my head, I'm going to gain if I use those weeklies. So now that I have those 49 points to use throughout the week on foods that aren't SF....the thought of using them and seeing that number decrease makes me full of anxiety. What if I need them over the weekend? What if I need them before my time is up? (Have I mentioned that I'm medicated for anxiety? No? Well...that's another story for another time.)

I'm trying to take this one meal at a time and ease myself into it. I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay to have that 3pt. Skinny Cow Cookies and Cream candy bar. Those points are there for a reason. I just have to learn to be okay with using them.

Baby Steps, Trista. Baby Steps. (I'm thinking that's my new mantra)

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Weigh In Wednesdays

When I started this journey, I started it on a Friday. For me, that was huge because as I mentioned last night while Skyping with my wonderful #wwsendtheloveteamslim ladies, I was a serial dieter. I would start a diet on Monday and by Wednesday, I was over it. I would constantly catch myself wishing I was skinny, wishing I could just lose weight, but never willing to put in the work to do it. I also lived in denial for a LONG time that I needed to lose weight. I never really struggled with my weight when I was younger. Sure, I always felt like the "fat" friend, but that was because my best friend weighed less than 100lbs. Like Stephanie said, it never really bothered me though because I knew guys liked me more. There wasn't a day that went by that some guy didn't comment on my nice ass or touch it. I never struggled with confidence. And to this day that still is somewhat true because my husband is a saint. He still to this day tells me I'm not fat and he has never not once made me feel that I was. He loves me unconditionally and that can sometimes be a burden. Sometimes I wish he would have said something before I let myself get to where I am now. But that's just not him. He loves ME.

A few weeks into this, I read an article about how Wednesday is a good weigh in day because it's been proven that MOST people weigh less during the middle of the week. Immediately I was sold. And for me, it works. I can weigh in on a Tuesday night or Wednesday and it is ALWAYS lower than it is on Friday. That may also be because I've been known to have my cheat meals on Wednesday after weigh in.....but who knows.

Speaking of weigh ins, I was certain I was going to gain this week. I was horrible on Friday when we went to see a movie, had Girls Night on Saturday, and barely got in 3000 steps on Sunday. But I didn't. I lost .03lbs. Not much, but it's a loss. And a loss is better than a gain. 

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It was fun while it lasted.

The honeymoon phase is over, folks.

I have officially hit my first wall during this journey and I'm trying desperately to pick myself back up. I'm not exactly sure why I lost my drive and motivation, I just know that I'm not a fan of the way I've felt the past few days. I've been PMSing, been struggling a bit with a few other emotional things (damn it why is being a girl so hard sometimes), and I am hoping desperately that my starting Simply Filling tomorrow will help me get my focus back.

We shall see.

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I'll Just Leave This Here.

Not much to say with this one, except that I hope it has the same effect on you as it did me.

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Challenge Yourself.

Since starting WW in February, I have learned that challenging yourself to do things you aren't comfortable with, often has great pay off.

Unfortunately, I'm not good with getting out of my comfort zone. I'm getting there, but very slowly.

One thing I love about Weight Watchers is the freedom to still eat ANYTHING you want. I love not having limits. It makes me feel less stressed and I'm less inclined to scarf down something I know I shouldn't be eating just because it's forbidden. With that being said, I've decided to challenge myself and start Simply Filling on Wednesday. A few of my wonderful #wwsendtheloveteamslim ladies are big fans of SF and have convinced me to give it a try. The biggest thing for me is that I can eat any of the foods on the SF approved list, without limits. The idea is to eat when you are hungry, but to only eat until you are satisfied.

I'm a little nervous about it, because it does have more limits that the Points Plus system, but being able to snack on good nutritious foods without having to count points is going to be great. Plus, I'm up for the challenge. I want to test my limits and see what I'm capable of.

Baby steps, Trista. Baby Steps.

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Leaving the past in the past.

One thing I let get in the way of me staying active, was an injury I have been dealing with since I was a junior in High School.

One week after Mark and I were engaged, yes, I was in High School.....we were hit head on by a car less than a mile from his dad's house. She was in a coma for two weeks, Mark was completely out of it until they cut me out of the car, and I was just there, completely terrified. After two surgeries and countless months in wheelchairs and casts....I am now left with a 3in screw in my left food.
 The car we were in on top, her car on the bottom. We are all VERY lucky to be alive.

And I have let that piece of hardware control me. Does it hurt? Yes. Does my foot swell daily? Yes. Is it enough to have let me go 10+ years thinking I am incapable of being more active? No. While it may hurt and it may limit me, it isn't something I can't overcome. I have learned these past 2 months that I am stronger than I think. I am able to push through the pain and accomplish MOST of what I want. I may never run a marathon and that's fine, because if you catch me running, I can promise you it's not willingly.

Discovering that I am greater than the things I have let define me for so many years, has been such a relief. I hope I can continue to grow with each step I take.

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Random Inspiration

While perusing Instagram earlier this morning, I came upon something that struck a cord with me.

I had never really thought of it that way, but it is so very true. Even with the smallest things like choosing to be happy vs. being upset. If you eat junk food all of the time, you will feel like junk. If you eat well and workout, you will feel good.

Take yesterday for example. All day at work I struggled. Partly because it was my first day back after 9 days off, but also because the weather was gloomy and I had eaten like crap most of the 9 days I was off. (I will say that my version of "eating like crap" has greatly improved from what it used to be.) On the way home, I had decided I was going to take a 30 minute nap before I started monogramming. Instead, when I got home, I decided to hop on the treadmill for 2.5 miles and to lift some weights. The entire time I showered I was grinning from ear to ear because I had defeated my bad mood. I CHOSE to workout and better myself and in turn, I felt better.

It's funny how that works. But every single decision you make affects your life. And sure, we are all going to have moments of weakness. I do on a daily basis. But lately my good choices are outweighing my bad choices and for me, that's  worth it all.

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The Ugly D Word

If there is one thing I have learned, it's that my mind doesn't do well with being told it's on a diet. In fact, I'm the type of person who feeds off of being told they can't eat something, can't do something, etc. Don't ever forbid me to do something....it never ends well.

The good news is that I have learned over the past 2-3 months that to succeed, you can't diet. You can't use miracle pills, miracle wraps, food fads, or any of that other crap to lose weight. Will it work? Yes....sometimes. BUT, 90% of people gain the weight back as soon as their "diet" is over. The good thing about Weight Watchers, at least for me, is that it isn't a diet. It's a way of life. I'm not on a diet, I'm changing my lifestyle. I'm teaching myself how to eat and how to still have the foods I love, all while not gaining 50lbs in the process.

For example. My all time favorite thing right now is Buffalo Chicken Cheesy Fries from a local restaurant we used to eat at once, sometimes twice a week. I still have those fries once a week or once every two weeks. BUT.....I only eat half, I always do it right after weigh in, and I eat very light the rest of the day. This way I don't feel deprived when my people are scarfing down their delicious foods, making me turn crazy and causing me to eat everything in sight. Diets do that to me. I just can't be told I can't have something.

And even worse, don't ask me if I can have something while on my "diet". I can have anything I want. In moderation.

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Workouts can be enjoyable?!?!

I am not a fan of working out. AT ALL. I have never liked running, I've never really enjoyed cardio, and I only hung out in the weight room during high school to have a good view of the boys/football players.

But I'm trying to change that. I'm trying so very hard to teach myself to enjoy my workouts. And I'm excited to say that tonight was a little bit of a breakthrough for me. I came home after a long day at work, I was dog tired, but I knew that I needed to get in a workout. I got my workout clothes on and hopped on the treadmill with the intentions of at least walking a mile and then doing some weights. I got to 1.5 before I stopped, and that was only to get more water. Then, after my first set of weights, I decided to get back on the treadmill. Another mile later and I was pouring with sweat....and I was LOVING it. I loved every single bead of sweat that dripped from my forehead and when I went to do my last rep of weights and my arms started shaking....I loved that even more.

I still have a long way to go, and only time will tell if I can truly transform myself into a workout lover.....but I'm closer than I ever have been before. And that's all that matters!

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April Goals

April has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start for me because we have been on vacation for Spring Break, but I'm hoping that my increased walking and activity will help counteract some of the crappy foods I ate. Plus, I didn't go completely crazy. I still ordered my morning Starbucks with nonfat milk, tried to drink as much water as possible, and tried to stay away from most of the fattening foods. 

My monthly goals for April are-

Sunday starts a new week and the end of vacation for us. I hope to kick it into gear this month and hit the 20-25lb mark before our 13th anniversary next month. If I do, I'm rewarding myself with a hot new outfit. 

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