Fear of Failure

I started this journey almost 7 months ago and up until a week or so ago, never really shared anything about it with more than a few people in my life.

Why? Mostly because of my fear of failure. I have attempted to "diet" NUMEROUS times since having kids. But each and every single time, I gave up. So why would this time be any different? Why share something with the people in my life that probably won't stick?

I realize now that going into something with the mindset of failing isn't smart. You are pretty much setting yourself up for failure. Instead of using the people in my life for support, I relied solely on the Weight Watchers Instagram community. For the first few weeks, I didn't even talk to Mark about it much. Luckily I quickly found a group of AMAZING women and they have honestly helped me more than I could have ever imagined. They were there even when I wasn't very open about it all with Mark.

Last weekend while out celebrating one of my best friend's 40th birthday, she mentioned that she had noticed that I had lost some weight. When I told her that I had just hit 25lbs lost that day, she was shocked. Sure I had casually mentioned that I was trying, but nothing ever completely serious. For the most part, this has been something that I've done alone, minus my #wwdropitlikeitshot group. And Mark, we can't forget him. 

That officially ends today. As of right now, quite literally actually, my Instagram account is no longer private. I don't intend to combine it with my private one, simply because I post so much WW related stuff on a daily basis, I don't want it to clog up feeds of those who follow my private account. No more hiding. No more keeping this to myself in fear that I will disappoint everyone when I fail. 6 months and 25lbs tells me that failing is no longer an option. The change in how I feel and how much more confident I am with myself, tells me I won't fail. Will I stumble? Sure. But that's what having people to support you is for. To help you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and come back even stronger than before.

Thanks to Gina for posting something about this on our FB page and giving me the motivation to get this off my chest!

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Bring on Month 7

See, I told you I couldn't make any promises about blogging on a regular basis.

Life for me is CRAZY right now! Football practice started on Monday, we have THREE football teams in our league plus a private school to complete orders for, our full time jobs, our home, and all of the other crazy stuff going on. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't all affecting me, but luckily I've still been able to see a loss on the scale, despite my ability to work out any in the last 2 weeks.

One BIG milestone I hit this past month was the 25lb mark. AND I'm only 3 lbs away from my 10% milestone, so that is my biggest goal for the month of August. I've also been getting in my steps on most days, thanks to my schedule keeping me going all the time, but I have GOT to up my workout game. I do not want to lose all of the muscle tone I've been working towards. I've talked my best friend into walking with me during football practice starting next week, so that should help tremendously. Then I can maybe get in some weights in the AM before work. Still not sure on how I'm going to do it all, I just know that I'm determined to do it.

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Month 6

Seems like I'm getting pretty good at this only checking in once a month thing....

Let's see if we can do better this month. Not making any promises though. Last month was good. I lost another 4 lbs, which is exactly a pound a week and that is perfectly fine with me. I still was able to eat a lot of crap I shouldn't, enjoy some holidays, go out a few times, and I'm feeling better and better about where I am and where I'm headed.

For the first few months, I struggled to REALLY see a big difference, but over the last few week's I've realized that I can tell a good bit of difference in my hips, my thighs, my arms, and even my face. I REALLY need to take measurements. I'm already beating myself up because I've now lost almost 25lbs and I know I've cheated myself out of a good way of seeing how far I've come. Oh well...you live and you learn, right?

The biggest victory for me is how much more confident and comfortable I've gotten with myself around Mark. I have found that I flirt with him a lot more than I used to....something I was the queen of back in the day. Boys didn't call me a tease for nothing. HAHA!

July starts Month 6 and I am so damn proud of myself for sticking with this. It has truly become a lifestyle for me and I'm confident now that I will succeed and not give up like I have in the past. I'm continuing to improve week by week and for the last two weeks, I've worked out at least 4 times a week. That is a huge victory for me.

Life is good....and it's only getting better.

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A little update...

Well hello there strangers! Long time no chat.

The good news about this break vs the ones I used to take on my old blog, is that this time I wasn't hiding from my blog because I didn't want to admit failure. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've just been so busy working on ME  and being a mom/wife/business owner that I haven't had as much time to blog as I would like.

Things have been going well. While I haven't lost an insane about of weight since my last post, I've changed drastically. The biggest thing is that the other night, while in the garage lifting weights, I realized that I had become that person. A person who loves to work out. I'm still not THAT fond of cardio, but I'm becoming a huge weight lover. Even typing that now, I have to chuckle because I NEVER thought in a MILLION years that I would ever become this person. Over the past 7 days I've worked out more than I ever have in a week. I'm .8 lbs away from my 20lb loss mark, I have totally kicked my soda addiction and can easily have one every blue moon and not crave them for days, I'm starting to notice that my clothes are starting to fit loose, I tried on a 14/16 top and it FIT...there are just so many great changes I'm noticing, but the biggest one is the way I FEEL. Even my self confidence has been boosted and that's a huge thing for me because I was a cocky bitch in High School and I kinda miss that girl.

Back to the working out. I've decided to challenge myself.

So many of my wonderful #wwsendtheloveteamslim girls get up in the morning and workout. After hearing Steph talk this morning about how missing her workout made her feel bad, I thought about it and thought to myself that maybe I should give it a go. I'm so not a morning person but maybe this will help. Not to mention I've been working out so late lately that I'm starting to notice that the endorphin high sometimes keeps me up longer than I would like. I'm not making any promises, but I would like to start off with trying to get up 2 mornings a week and workout. Maybe then I'll be nicer to my coworkers BEFORE my coffee kicks in.

We shall see......

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Just checking in.....

Wow, can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I've posted. My trip on the struggle bus hasn't fully ended, but I feel like I'm on the uphill swing.

I had a massive breakdown last weekend when I had gained 5lbs two days after a 2.5lb loss. Luckily it was mostly PMSing and retaining water, because yesterday I was down .9lbs. I am officially less than 2lbs away from hitting 20lbs gone.

That is HUGE for me. That has fueled my need to kick it into gear even more, but we are so busy with the business right now that it is so hard to find time to workout and even cook a decent meal. I'm doing it, but it's not easy and I'm tired. Good news is that the order will be out soon and we can go back to our normal routine and I will then have more time.

I would really like to lose another 10-20lbs by the end of summer and of course, my ultimate goal is to be down 50lbs by Christmas. I'm not rushing it though, I've settled in on the idea that slow and steady is the way to go and as an added bonus, I've heard that the slower it goes, the less loose skin you have to deal with. Don't get me wrong, loose skin is the least of my worries and I'll take it over an additional 50lbs anyday. But if I can get out of this with minimal loose skin and a big loss, I'll be one happy girl.

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Struggle Bus Party of One

I've been struggling lately.

I've been struggling with not wanting to eat an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting, with not going through that drive-thru window instead of having to go home and cook, with getting in my workouts...with it all.

Sure, my eating hasn't been horrible and I haven't really gained any weight.....but I'm also not losing like I would like to. I've lost 15lbs in 3 months, which isn't bad at all. I just have to keep telling myself that slow & steady wins the race and while some drop a lot at the beginning of their journey, my weight loss journey is my weight loss journey and no one elses. They say "Comparison is the thief of joy" and they are right. Comparing your life to someone elses....in any way...will get you no where. While some may lose it fast and keep it off, most of them gain it back. That is not what I want. I am changing my lifestyle. I am in this for the long haul. And like my buddy Cassie said yesterday, I just have to keep reminding myself of where I can (AND WILL) be next year. I have to be able to see the big picture while enjoying each step of the journey.

Since starting Weight Watchers on Feb. 1st, I've lost 15lbs. I've noticed a huge difference in the way my clothes fit, in the way my hips and butt look, with how I feel, with how I feel about myself....I've had to go up on my FitBit band twice, my wedding ring continues to get more and more loose, and most importantly....I haven't quit. Not once have I given up and that has NEVER happened for me. I've always been gung ho about something for a few weeks and then went back to my old ways.

This time is different. This time I will succeed.

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Workout Goal

Saw this on FB and had to share. I'm not sure I could do it right now without dying.....but I want to give it a try!

4 minute Hip-Hop Cardio.
Posted by Brooke's Health, Wellness & Weight Loss on Wednesday, April 22, 2015
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