I can do this. I WILL do this.

I'm going to be real honest with y'all. I almost quit Simply Filling last night.

I did so good throughout the day, but by dinner time I was hungry, I felt restricted, and I was hardcore craving something sweet. I was sitting in bed, I had had dinner, Mark was eating ice cream (thanks for the support babe, haha) and I was craving sugar like nobody's business (thanks Aunt Flo). All I could think about was the Reese Cup Eggs Reagan has in her bedroom, all of the Skinny Cow candy bars I have in my cabinet, and I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit so badly. But you know why I didn't?

Because of a great group of ladies I found a few weeks ago. I thought about how it would suck telling them that I had given up after less than 24 hours. I thought about how they would probably be disappointed that I didn't give it more time. I thought about how a few of them had taken the time out of their day yesterday (and now today) to see how it was going and to be there for me. I felt like I owed them and MYSELF more time. (PS-THANKS LADIES, It means a lot and has helped more than you know!)

Will it be something I stick with for a long time? Probably not. Is it something I'm willing to give a little more time? Absolutely.

I think the problem for me is what I've talked to the girls about before. I don't do well with restrictions. I do not like being told I can't have or do something. (Just ask my husband!) Couple that with the fact that I hardly ever eat my weekly points because I start to get a little panicky when the number starts dwindling, and you have a recipe for disaster. In my head, I'm going to gain if I use those weeklies. So now that I have those 49 points to use throughout the week on foods that aren't SF....the thought of using them and seeing that number decrease makes me full of anxiety. What if I need them over the weekend? What if I need them before my time is up? (Have I mentioned that I'm medicated for anxiety? No? Well...that's another story for another time.)

I'm trying to take this one meal at a time and ease myself into it. I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay to have that 3pt. Skinny Cow Cookies and Cream candy bar. Those points are there for a reason. I just have to learn to be okay with using them.

Baby Steps, Trista. Baby Steps. (I'm thinking that's my new mantra)

 

Weigh In Wednesdays

When I started this journey, I started it on a Friday. For me, that was huge because as I mentioned last night while Skyping with my wonderful #wwsendtheloveteamslim ladies, I was a serial dieter. I would start a diet on Monday and by Wednesday, I was over it. I would constantly catch myself wishing I was skinny, wishing I could just lose weight, but never willing to put in the work to do it. I also lived in denial for a LONG time that I needed to lose weight. I never really struggled with my weight when I was younger. Sure, I always felt like the "fat" friend, but that was because my best friend weighed less than 100lbs. Like Stephanie said, it never really bothered me though because I knew guys liked me more. There wasn't a day that went by that some guy didn't comment on my nice ass or touch it. I never struggled with confidence. And to this day that still is somewhat true because my husband is a saint. He still to this day tells me I'm not fat and he has never not once made me feel that I was. He loves me unconditionally and that can sometimes be a burden. Sometimes I wish he would have said something before I let myself get to where I am now. But that's just not him. He loves ME.

A few weeks into this, I read an article about how Wednesday is a good weigh in day because it's been proven that MOST people weigh less during the middle of the week. Immediately I was sold. And for me, it works. I can weigh in on a Tuesday night or Wednesday and it is ALWAYS lower than it is on Friday. That may also be because I've been known to have my cheat meals on Wednesday after weigh in.....but who knows.

Speaking of weigh ins, I was certain I was going to gain this week. I was horrible on Friday when we went to see a movie, had Girls Night on Saturday, and barely got in 3000 steps on Sunday. But I didn't. I lost .03lbs. Not much, but it's a loss. And a loss is better than a gain. 

 

It was fun while it lasted.

The honeymoon phase is over, folks.

I have officially hit my first wall during this journey and I'm trying desperately to pick myself back up. I'm not exactly sure why I lost my drive and motivation, I just know that I'm not a fan of the way I've felt the past few days. I've been PMSing, been struggling a bit with a few other emotional things (damn it why is being a girl so hard sometimes), and I am hoping desperately that my starting Simply Filling tomorrow will help me get my focus back.

We shall see.

 

I'll Just Leave This Here.

Not much to say with this one, except that I hope it has the same effect on you as it did me.

Challenge Yourself.

Since starting WW in February, I have learned that challenging yourself to do things you aren't comfortable with, often has great pay off.

Unfortunately, I'm not good with getting out of my comfort zone. I'm getting there, but very slowly.

One thing I love about Weight Watchers is the freedom to still eat ANYTHING you want. I love not having limits. It makes me feel less stressed and I'm less inclined to scarf down something I know I shouldn't be eating just because it's forbidden. With that being said, I've decided to challenge myself and start Simply Filling on Wednesday. A few of my wonderful #wwsendtheloveteamslim ladies are big fans of SF and have convinced me to give it a try. The biggest thing for me is that I can eat any of the foods on the SF approved list, without limits. The idea is to eat when you are hungry, but to only eat until you are satisfied.

I'm a little nervous about it, because it does have more limits that the Points Plus system, but being able to snack on good nutritious foods without having to count points is going to be great. Plus, I'm up for the challenge. I want to test my limits and see what I'm capable of.

Baby steps, Trista. Baby Steps.

 

Leaving the past in the past.

One thing I let get in the way of me staying active, was an injury I have been dealing with since I was a junior in High School.

One week after Mark and I were engaged, yes, I was in High School.....we were hit head on by a car less than a mile from his dad's house. She was in a coma for two weeks, Mark was completely out of it until they cut me out of the car, and I was just there, completely terrified. After two surgeries and countless months in wheelchairs and casts....I am now left with a 3in screw in my left food.

 The car we were in on top, her car on the bottom. We are all VERY lucky to be alive.

And I have let that piece of hardware control me. Does it hurt? Yes. Does my foot swell daily? Yes. Is it enough to have let me go 10+ years thinking I am incapable of being more active? No. While it may hurt and it may limit me, it isn't something I can't overcome. I have learned these past 2 months that I am stronger than I think. I am able to push through the pain and accomplish MOST of what I want. I may never run a marathon and that's fine, because if you catch me running, I can promise you it's not willingly.

Discovering that I am greater than the things I have let define me for so many years, has been such a relief. I hope I can continue to grow with each step I take.

 

Random Inspiration

While perusing Instagram earlier this morning, I came upon something that struck a cord with me.

I had never really thought of it that way, but it is so very true. Even with the smallest things like choosing to be happy vs. being upset. If you eat junk food all of the time, you will feel like junk. If you eat well and workout, you will feel good.


Take yesterday for example. All day at work I struggled. Partly because it was my first day back after 9 days off, but also because the weather was gloomy and I had eaten like crap most of the 9 days I was off. (I will say that my version of "eating like crap" has greatly improved from what it used to be.) On the way home, I had decided I was going to take a 30 minute nap before I started monogramming. Instead, when I got home, I decided to hop on the treadmill for 2.5 miles and to lift some weights. The entire time I showered I was grinning from ear to ear because I had defeated my bad mood. I CHOSE to workout and better myself and in turn, I felt better.

It's funny how that works. But every single decision you make affects your life. And sure, we are all going to have moments of weakness. I do on a daily basis. But lately my good choices are outweighing my bad choices and for me, that's  worth it all.